31 For 21: Day 9...A Mother Always Knows

One of Andrew's first steps.

I never really talk about this and it took me a long time to even tell Chris, but I was very sure that Andrew had Down syndrome before he was even born.  I never had a single pre-natal test, but after two ultrasounds, I just got this feeling that something wasn't "right" even though the doctors were confident in their evaluation of my ultrasounds.

My first ultrasound, at around 13 weeks started off pretty routine.  Chris met me in New Haven at my OB's primary office.  We waited for a short time before bring escorted to a small room with the ultrasound equipment.  The technician began by taking her measurements, and then started showing us the different parts of the baby's body.  She told us that she could tell us the sex of the baby if we wanted to know.  Not being one who likes surprises, I asked her if I was having a boy or a girl.  She told me, "It is a boy!"  I was thrilled...I had wanted to have a boy, although any healthy baby would have been best.  The technician continued to look at my baby boy and kept showing us his heart, getting closer and closer shots every time.  She finally printed off some pictures and sent us on our way.

The next day, I receive a call from my OB.  At first I just thought that I had forgotten to make my next appointment, but his words, "I have some concerns" took the constant smile from my face in an instant.  Although he assured me that some spots shown on the baby's heart can be completely normal at this stage of gestation, he wanted me to have a more in-depth ultrasound, a Level II ultrasound at the hospital.  I thanked him for the information, broke the connection and immediately called the hospital to make an appointment.  For two weeks, I continued to worry about what the doctor had told me.  I tried to focus on the potential positives...it could be normal for the baby's development.

Finally, the two weeks passed and my appointment arrived.  Again, we followed a technician down the hall to the ultrasound room.  He began the ultrasound with the same measurements that the first technician did and assured me that the baby, who we decided to name Andrew, was measuring appropriately for his current stage of development and he also confirmed that he was a boy.  Focusing on his heart, he then changed the contrast of the screen to take pictures.  He showed us the areas where there were "bright spots" but they disappeared when he changed the contrast.  He concluded that his was completely normal and the spots were not "bright" enough under different light to cause a concern.  He stated that whenever these spots shown on an ultrasound, there was a concern that the baby could have Down syndrome.  I remember thinking that I didn't really know anything about Down syndrome, except that when I was in high school, the kids who had Ds went to separate classes in the resource room.  The technician showed us other potential markers for Ds, of which Andrew had none.  His ears appeared to be properly positioned, there was no extra fold of skin on his neck, no extra space between his first two toes, nor shorten pinkie fingers...nothing that would indicate that Andrew had Down syndrome.  The doctor came to join the meeting and reviewed all the pictures that the technician took and then looked again through the monitor, again focusing on Andrew's heart.  He concluded that we had "nothing to worry about."  The spots would decrease in intensity and would eventually fade before he was born.  Any potential holes in his heart would be closed long before he was born and I would not need any further monitoring.

As we left the appointment, I remember thinking to myself, I know what they said but they are wrong.  I know that there would be something different about Andrew.  For the rest of my pregnancy, I tried to put everything out of my mind, but I found myself occasionally researching Down syndrome.  I learned what it was, what caused it and how children with Ds benefited from early intervention and could full, productive lives.  I skipped past any information that was not positive...it was nothing that I wanted to know about.

Six months later, my beautiful boy was born via c-section due to his breech presentation.  As soon as I saw him, I knew that Andrew was born with Down syndrome.  I looked at Chris and told him.  He told me that it doesn't matter .  Andrew was here and he was given to us for a reason.  We were there to help him be the best person he can be and we knew that we would do everything that we can to advocate for him to ensure that he enjoys a successful and productive life with all the benefits that any other child would enjoy.  And we do work hard, teaching him about the world and working through his speech therapy together.  But I find that Andrew teaches me much more than I teach him.  I have learned to stop and smell the flowers, to appreciate the colors of the world around us, and the joys of spinning around until we both get dizzy.  But most of all, he has taught me that dedication, hard work, and perseverance can get you anywhere and everywhere.