31 For 21: Day 7...Burned Out

I thought I was going to post early today and get to bed at a decent time.  I've been up late all week and have been writing my blog posts just before 12am.  Tonight I realize that I don't really have anything to say.  I don't want to recall any memories from Andrew's therapies, nor did anything happen during the day that would warrant a posting.  I feel burnt out.  I've been working on designing the CT Down Syndrome Congress' brochure for our 25th Annual Convention.  I started at a blank screen for hours, wondering how to start the brochure.  We are in a time crunch now.  The convention is only 6 weeks away and we haven't sent out the brochure which includes the registration information and the information about the workshops.  I feel like I've been running in circles all year and have gotten nothing accomplished.  I spread myself too thin and I long to spend more time with my children.  I've found myself in tears every Friday...the end of a workweek for many people, but the beginning of one for myself.  I've actually been working 7 days a week since the end of August, and I am tired.

Considering all of my possibilities, I knew that I needed to make a decision.  I couldn't go on rushing from one place to another but not accomplishing anything.  I lived on coffee to keep me awake and my family was suffering because I was constantly frustrated and frazzled from trying to remember to get everything done.  Finally, I chose a plan, Plan A.  I gave my notice at work last week.  A part-time job, it was turning into too much for me and for my mother who was watching my children so I could work.  I realized that I was spending 2 hours in the car each day just to get the kids from home to my mother's house and back again, just to work less than 4 hours a day, three days a week.  Rushing from picking Andrew up from school, quickly dropping them off and hurrying to work was stressful enough.  Then I was trying to get many hours of work accomplished in the short time that I was there.  I enjoyed the work.  I was designing event flyers and other marketing materials for a real estate trade association.  I also tried to maintain our website and weekly email newsletters to our members.  It was impossible to get everything done in the less than 12 hours that I worked every week and my to-do list was getting longer and longer each week.  Add that to the 10 hours days I was working on Thursdays and Fridays with my mother to prepare our products for the 2 farmers' markets that we sell at every weekend, and then actually attend one of the markets on either Saturday or Sunday.  I couldn't remember what a day off was...even when I didn't go to the market, I still was up early to bake the breads and pies for selling that day.  I love that business and love the compliments about our products.  My mother and I (and our small staff) work hard to make quality products for our customers to enjoy.  From fruit pies to pot pies and scones to breads, we bake everything fresh for our busy customers every weekend.

The final straw that made my decision easier was because of Andrew.  Lately, Andrew has decided that he no longer wants to nap.  However, this transition has been difficult for both of us.  He is exhausted by the afternoon and cries through dinner, almost until bedtime.  While I get him ready for bed, he seems to perk up a little and resists going to bed.  In the morning, he still wakes up early and is cranky halfway through school and resists participating.  Already frustrated, I was not handling this situation well.  I am completely stressed out and found myself very impatient with Andrew when he acted out.  I didn't know what to do to help him and had a hard time understanding what he needed from me.  I knew that in order for me to help him, I needed to change something.  I needed more time to focus on him and learn to understand what he needed and how I could help him.  Although Andrew is somewhat verbal, he still cannot tell me what is wrong when he is upset.  His tears of frustration tug at my heart and he both end up crying together.  My kids don't deserve it, Chris doesn't deserve it, and I don't deserve it.  I knew that I need to make this change for all of us.

After this weekend, things are going to slow down.  I will work one day next week and one day the following week.  Our farmers' markets will slow down and we'll get a few weeks off in November from one market before the winter market begins.  I will focus more on my children, especially Andrew when he is home.  I will have the mornings to spend with Hailey while Andrew is in school.  Hailey loves to color and to paint and use glue.  We are going to have fun together because I enjoy crafty things.  While Hailey is napping, Andrew and I will enjoy our quiet time together, aimed at letting Andrew rest but allowing us time to spend together so I can learn his behaviors and how he best responds to changes in his life.

That's my plan...now I just have to stick to it.  Thanks for listening.  Good night.